The date is set! March 31st. It's a Saturday for most people's convenience.
You're probably going to need a small amount of persuasion to show up and lift heavy shit for me. Most likely only a little bit though, who the hell wouldn't want to do something nice for ME?
So, let me lay out some great reasons to help me move:
1. I will be in your debt to help YOU move someday.
2. I will openly compliment your amazing strength and sexy musculature while you lift my shit.
3. I will make you sweet tea.
4. I AM sweet tea.
5. I am NOT a hoarder, and hell, will probably give you some of my shit if you ask.
6. I will let you go through my shit to satisfy your curiosity about what sort of knickknacks I have.
7. I own very little furniture.
8. My cats are totally cute. You could pet one or both of them once they are moved in.
9. You can drive a small moving truck... dear god... please someone else drive the truck.
10. You can make fun of what a shitty driver I am while impressing me by driving the truck.
11. For stalking purposes you will know where I live. You can threaten me later.
12. I will order pizza.
13. I am a helpless woman.
14. I will de-friend you on facebook if you DON'T help me move.
15. It can be your ONE good deed for the year.
16. We can make kick ass memories together of that time you helped me move and (FILL IN THE BLANK).
17. I take nice photos. I will take a nice photo of you and hang it up on my wall under the banner "Awesome People Who Helped Me Move."
18. You can use me as a job reference.
19. I will compliment your work ethic.
20." I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
Maya Angelou" Maya Angelou is never wrong.
21. Great workout... I mean... you've put on a few pounds lately, right?
22. You're curious if anyone else will show up to help me move, or as you suspect, you are my only friend.
23. There will be beer.
24. I'm begging.
25. You probably ARE my only friend, and what the hell is going to happen if even YOU don't show up?
26. You want to make sure I'm actually GONE.
27. You like me.
28. I'm a nice person who does good things for other people.
29. Being a nurse can be a thankless profession. Here's your chance to thank me.
30. You want to prove yourself to one of my other friends as my ultimate friend.
31. You're really into feng shui and want to impress me with your knowledge.
32. I give good back rubs.
33. Pay it forward.
34. What the hell else do you have to do?
35. It's really only a few boxes. I moved most of it in my tiny Accent in 5 trips.
36. I've probably bought you dinner or a beer before and probably will in the future.
37. You can use the "I helped my friend move this weekend" excuse to be tired at work the next day.
38. I know all (or at least most) of the words to Baby Got Back and will sing it for you/at you.
39. I might have nice neighbors you'd like to meet. You never know.
40. You'll want to establish that "we're the kind of friends who just open each others' refrigerators and take what we want" early on at my new apartment.
41. I care deeply about your opinion on interior decorating. Here's your chance to have a say.
42. Moving boxes will give you killer triceps. I mean, EVEN more killer than you already have, Sexy.
43. I will call you "Sexy" all day long.
44. You could really use an ego boost.
45. I come from a small family, my parents are unable to help move heavy shit and my brother lives in VT.
46. Pity.
47. We can play a rousing game of "guess what's in this box!"
48. You can snoop my movie collection. There's some seriously racy shit in there. It will make you blush.
49. I'll tell you how cute you are when you blush.
50. You want to prove that women can lift heavy shit too or, alternatively, prove your manliness to me.
51. You just want me to shut up, and if moving a fucking box will make me shut up, THEN FINE!
52. You want to test my patience by moving one box an hour and spending the rest of the time sippin' sweet tea.
53. I am amazingly patient.
54. You're hoping some of my good looking single friends might show up.
55. You haven't left the house in six weeks anyway. Here's your chance! I'm inviting you to something.
56. I'll leave you some great comments on your facebook wall specified to your liking.
57. You're super busy, but what's one more thing?
58. You're a masochist.
59. It's not a big deal. Why wouldn't you help a friend move?
60. You want a place to crash in the Merrimack Valley.
61. Bribery.
62. You want to test my knowledge of physics or geometry or something.
63. I will wax poetic about what a great friend you are.
64. You actually ARE a great friend.
65. We can sit down and watch COPS afterwards.
66. The American Heart Association recommends AT LEAST 30 mins per day of physical activity.
67. I can't afford professional movers.
68. I'm great at making lists.
69. <-- *wink*
70. I'll remember your birthday.
71. I do "safe lifting" training yearly and will help you use proper body mechanics to lift things.
72. I don't have telekinesis.
73. You do have telekinesis. Prove it.
74. I'll let you pick the moving music.
75. You need my address to send suspicious powders.
76. You're hoping my new place is haunted and we can have a seance.
77. You will never see my apartment that clean again.
78. You want to hold it over my head how you helped me move once... forever.
79. You want to be referred to as the kind of person who would "give you the shirt off his/her back."
80. I need your help.
81. It's a team building activity.
82. Community service.
83. It's not like I move often.
84. You're hoping to get a key.
85. Physical activity will help chase your winter blues away.
86. You're awesome.
87. I know one too many of your secrets to risk pissing me off.
88. Work those quads.
89. Years of friendship-investment I've put into you.
90. If I ever send X-mas cards I'll totally put you on my list.
91. I think I remember you already agreeing to help me. You can't go back on your word.
92. Because your daddy taught you good.
93. I'm reaching.
94. I will teach you how to build a campfire.
95. I'm damn entertaining. You will just enjoy being around me during the move.
96. The more people show up the faster the whole thing will go.
97. Your indecisiveness is unbecoming of you. Just DECIDE to help me move.
98. Boxes.
99. My new apartment has a creepy attic. You will want to see it.
100. Once it's all moved in we can all engage in a group hug.
101. PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE!!!
40. You'll want to establish that "we're the kind of friends who just open each others' refrigerators and take what we want" early on at my new apartment.
41. I care deeply about your opinion on interior decorating. Here's your chance to have a say.
42. Moving boxes will give you killer triceps. I mean, EVEN more killer than you already have, Sexy.
43. I will call you "Sexy" all day long.
44. You could really use an ego boost.
45. I come from a small family, my parents are unable to help move heavy shit and my brother lives in VT.
46. Pity.
47. We can play a rousing game of "guess what's in this box!"
48. You can snoop my movie collection. There's some seriously racy shit in there. It will make you blush.
49. I'll tell you how cute you are when you blush.
50. You want to prove that women can lift heavy shit too or, alternatively, prove your manliness to me.
51. You just want me to shut up, and if moving a fucking box will make me shut up, THEN FINE!
52. You want to test my patience by moving one box an hour and spending the rest of the time sippin' sweet tea.
53. I am amazingly patient.
54. You're hoping some of my good looking single friends might show up.
55. You haven't left the house in six weeks anyway. Here's your chance! I'm inviting you to something.
56. I'll leave you some great comments on your facebook wall specified to your liking.
57. You're super busy, but what's one more thing?
58. You're a masochist.
59. It's not a big deal. Why wouldn't you help a friend move?
60. You want a place to crash in the Merrimack Valley.
61. Bribery.
62. You want to test my knowledge of physics or geometry or something.
63. I will wax poetic about what a great friend you are.
64. You actually ARE a great friend.
65. We can sit down and watch COPS afterwards.
66. The American Heart Association recommends AT LEAST 30 mins per day of physical activity.
67. I can't afford professional movers.
68. I'm great at making lists.
69. <-- *wink*
70. I'll remember your birthday.
71. I do "safe lifting" training yearly and will help you use proper body mechanics to lift things.
72. I don't have telekinesis.
73. You do have telekinesis. Prove it.
74. I'll let you pick the moving music.
75. You need my address to send suspicious powders.
76. You're hoping my new place is haunted and we can have a seance.
77. You will never see my apartment that clean again.
78. You want to hold it over my head how you helped me move once... forever.
79. You want to be referred to as the kind of person who would "give you the shirt off his/her back."
80. I need your help.
81. It's a team building activity.
82. Community service.
83. It's not like I move often.
84. You're hoping to get a key.
85. Physical activity will help chase your winter blues away.
86. You're awesome.
87. I know one too many of your secrets to risk pissing me off.
88. Work those quads.
89. Years of friendship-investment I've put into you.
90. If I ever send X-mas cards I'll totally put you on my list.
91. I think I remember you already agreeing to help me. You can't go back on your word.
92. Because your daddy taught you good.
93. I'm reaching.
94. I will teach you how to build a campfire.
95. I'm damn entertaining. You will just enjoy being around me during the move.
96. The more people show up the faster the whole thing will go.
97. Your indecisiveness is unbecoming of you. Just DECIDE to help me move.
98. Boxes.
99. My new apartment has a creepy attic. You will want to see it.
100. Once it's all moved in we can all engage in a group hug.
101. PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE!!!
