SWAK- Single Women Also... Knead?

Happy Post-Valentines Day.  Time for a wrap up.

I arrived to work yesterday and was immediately stuffed with cookies and candies by coworkers to show their appreciation (and continued desire for) my womanly hips and nursing abilities.

I was also accosted by several heart doilies emblazoned with the letters "SWAK".  I didn't know what that meant, but it seemed likely to be a threat or a bad acronym.

I brainstormed possible meanings:

SWAK- noun.  Nun chucks disguised as heart shaped doilies. 

SWAK- adjective. Shiny, sharp and jagged.

SWAK- verb. To take down innocents using hard candies to trip them.

Sword Wielding Anthropomorphic Kangaroos

Soft Wet Acidic Kale

Sorry Wittle Asshole Kids

Sappy Works of Art, Kid

Sophisticated Works of Andy Kaufman 

What it actually means is boring Vday crap, so you can sort it out yourself.  I'm going with the Andy Kaufman explanation.

 

As single gals are apt to do on Valentines day I scheduled myself for a sleep study.  It was hilarious.

I should have brought a camera, but it wasn't on the list of things to bring, so just picture this is me:

Important points:

-Covered in wires

-A nice man tucked me in and was very concerned about my comfort

-He offered me all the pillows I wanted

-He commented several times on how nice my hair is (while struggling to put wires into this beautiful, thick, luscious mane)

-There were at least two cameras watching my every move

-The aforementioned man was sitting in another room watching me sleep

-He would occasionally come in and move shit around.  (Frankly, I think he was just bored because his job is to watch people sleep.)

At one point he came in and asked me if I was too warm (I think I was fussing with the covers).  I said "yes" and he turned down the thermostat.  

I really thought he loved me...

Until at 6:00am he woke me up and kicked me out. 

Damn.

Sleep study theme song: