I don't think it's being too dramatic to say...

Pajama Jeans are the downfall of society.



If you were anywhere near a 5 mile radius from me when they first started advertising Snuggies  you will remember how to flipped my shit.



A. they invented some sort of made-up problem where people become trapped in their blankets and can't answer the phone.

B. that's just a bathrobe on backwards.  I am not that dumb.

C. if you have come to a point in your life where you feel the need to wear your bathrobe backwards, what you need is a reassessment of your priorities.

D. they recommend wearing it at sporting events and claim it's a great gift.  It's NOT a good idea to wear a backwards bathrobe anywhere if you have even a shred of dignity, and no one could realistically think that's a good gift.  That may be the worst gift... oh wait...someone invented pajama jeans!

When did it become a STRUGGLE to fit into regular jeans?! When did this happen?! What the fuck are they talking about?!

Is this like saying Doritos have "loud" flavor?

What I love most are the skinny ass bitches* on the Pajama Jean website.  Let's be real here. That is not the demographic they are shooting for.

*no offense to skinny ass bitches.

So, if you're getting your last minute x-mas shopping done at CVS just buy some scented hand cream and chocolates.  Stay away from the As Seen on TV section, please.

Goodnight, Irene.

Remember Sweet Summer Breeze Irene? I do.

I was enjoying a nice quiet weekend in the Berkshires while ya'll were putting boards over your windows and stocking up your bomb shelters.

I was literally out smelling flowers...

Now, I guess it's not fully your fault you became hysterical.  The weathermen in New England become bored and jealous of weathermen in Florida and other places with real hurricanes during the hurricane season.  They are at least partially to blame.

I tried to clear this up for several people.  I explained, calmly and rationally I might add, that we live in Massachusetts and don't get hurricanes.

This calmed people down for about a minute until they turned the news back on.

Just to reiterate- I was in fact out enjoying the beauty of nature while you were trying to calculate how far those canned goods would get your family before you'd have to eat someone.

Nature is fucking awesome.  Are you afraid of the dark as well?... Don't answer that.

Anyway, I slept in a tent and Richard and I went on a nature walk.

That photo should give you a good idea how THAT went.  I'd never heard someone squeal so loud when a fern touched them.  Ferns are beautiful, Richard, I'm sorry you couldn't learn to accept that.

None the less, he isn't the problem.  You are.  You and your ACCEPTANCE of whatever weathermen tell you. Seriously? Do you believe EVERYTHING you see on Fox News too?

And I don't even want to get your hatemail about how Sweet Summer Breeze Irene killed your grandmother by knocking out her power and shutting off her life-sustaining machines.  Don't even bother... 

Unless you live in Vermont.  What the fuck happened there, Vermont?  That shit was crazy.

Documentary Film Review V

I haven't actually dived in to the documentary film maelstrom for a while, but I do have a list of ones to be reviewed.  Time to get cracking.  Don't worry, I won't review Super High Me again.

Very Young Girls- Did you know the average age for a girl to become a prostitute in the US is 13?  Holy shit.  How can we allow this to happen? This is a great documentary that looks at the amazing human service workers that are working with these girls.  I love me some human service workers.  Watch it.

My Flesh and Blood- Speaking of amazing human beings, this film follows a family who have adopted 11 children with special needs.  I've met these type of families, and I have almost no explanation for the amount of compassion, love and empathy one person can have. We can all learn something from them though.  Watch it.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia- Hard to believe, but laughing at the poor and uneducated can only take you so far.  I got real tired of it after awhile. Don't watch.

Paper Clips- This is a movie where some kids from Tennessee fill a train car with trash (paper clips) because they feel sad that the Holocaust happened.  No comment.

The Parking Lot Movie- I wanted to dislike this one, but I admit it... it was fun. You'll hate it a little bit, but watch it anyway.

Small Town Gay Bar- This is one of those films that takes an interesting subject and turns it into a pile of shit. Someone should give me a video camera.  I could do way better. Don't watch.

American: The Bill Hicks Story- LOVED this.  Love Bill Hicks.  You should love Bill Hicks too, therefore you should watch this and love it. Anyone want to go out to the middle of nowhere and drop some acid with me? It seemed like a great idea in the movie...

Classified X- I guess if you really need racism in movies laid out for you VERY slowly and simply you could watch this.  It's not particularly deep, and there's so many examples there's almost no discussion. Only watch it if you need to.

Inside Deep Throat- This is an excellent film for that history of porn class I was planning on teaching.  If you need something a little provocative to watch this weekend you could give this is a spin.

Strictly Background- Are you feeling low about yourself? You could watch this if you need to feel better than someone else, I guess.  Don't watch it though, really.

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead- There's a bunch of these healthy eating/we're too fat/weight loss journey movies on the market, but this one is actually a really fun watch. Watch it.

Naked States- This is about totally fun photographer Spencer Tunick's journey around the US photographing naked people in public places.  What's not to love?

American Movie- This is pretty much what I've always assumed life to be like for folks who live in Wisconsin (or wherever... midwest-ish).  You will enjoy this film about the making of a low-budget horror flick and all the love and dedication (ish) that goes into that.  And if you're like me, you will wonder how it is that some people have so much time on their hands.  Watch it.

There you have it.  Films for thought.  I'm always taking suggestions (though not always to heart).

Various forms of self.

So my challenge for the winter is to tackle the self-portrait.  Or forms and variations thereof.

This has it's positive sides, my subject is always around and usually willing, unfortunately it has some major downsides.  Not the least of which is it's notably difficult to take pictures of myself.

I know what you're saying "but I own an iPhone and snap wicked pissah shots of myself ALLLL the time", but... there is no but to that.  I just don't own an iPhone or I'd have this in the bag.  Instead I have to use my fancy-ass DSLR and a tripod, table, beer can, etc.  Damn I'm jealous of you...

Keep your eyes peeled towards my photography website- http://squintingphotos.zenfolio.com/

Self-portrait section should be on it's way in the coming week.

And if all else fails I'll cut off my own ear and go from there.

Plebeians.

Richard and I are BFFs.

So, tonight I showed up at his apartment (in Everette, mind you, just so you know what kind of high class we are dealing with.) with a 12 pack of PBR and a copy of the Sun. I was thrilled to find out Cops was on. Ain't no shame.

While I realized he hated things like peace before and often is known to be crass towards those who need him I never knew how serious he takes his hatred of Burning Man.

After a 5 minute speech about how people who tailgate are plebeians, I somehow accidentally tricked a wire in him and got him off on burning man. Before you get too upset please realize that hating things is just part of what he does.  There's nothing really wrong with Laura Linney.

Some of the finer points of his hate-speech:

1. it's not only what's wrong with this country, but what's wrong with the world.
2. it is on the same level as other hated things such as the Westboro Baptist Church and Scientology
3. it's self-reverential garbage, and hearing people speak about their "spirituality" makes him want to puke.
4. there was some babbling about feathers, sand, nudity, drums, vague musings about "freedom"
5. people don't need to go to the desert to "make art" and "be free"
6. the horrifying idea that anything can be "art"
7. hive mind individuality
8. he spat off for quite some time about the rich...

But if you're a peace loving, naked-feathered-hippy don't get too down.  He also was telling me earlier in the evening that I can't possibly go through with my dream to vaca in Serbia.

Frankly, this blog post might have reflected more kindly on him had he not tried to dream-crush me.  I'm going to Belgrade and no one and nothing can stop me.  There's supposed to be a fantastic nightlife and the Belgrade Beer Fest has free of charge entrance, and you KNOW how I feel about that.

It's not like I can forever not go to any country we've ever bombed.  I'd never leave the house. Plus, after watching what happens there at gay pride I now know that Serbia has some damn-ass BRAVE gays.  I need to shake those folks hands.



...Okay, maybe I can concede a little bit as to why he thinks going to Serbia would be a bad idea.



Stop trying to dream-crush me Richard.  After I get back from Serbia with a new healthy respect for life I may go to Burning Man just to spite you.

Ick. On second thought, probably not.  I think I hate all those things too... and not in the good way.

Except burning effigies.  I absolutely LOVE burning effigies.

Odetta

If you don't occasionally find yourself listening to Odetta, you should get on that.  I will help.

How the ICA Effects my Affect

So, despite the warnings of potential bad art the smart and beautiful Miss Megan gave, Michelle and I headed our cocky asses to the ICA.  It's free on Thursday nights and I'm gardening my personality.

Contemporary art is what it is. So I amused myself by quietly slinking through the galleries and re-naming the pieces in my head.

There was, of course, "Dizzy Bitches on Clotheslines" a performance piece.

Then there was "Is This an Actual Pile of Shit? (Seriously, who the fuck curates this museum? Am I MISSING something?)"  a work of sculpture.

And I don't have photo-evidence so you'll have to take my word for it, but then there was a dresser filled with cement.  I called it "Fucking Heavy".

There were like two whole rooms of what appeared to be macrame. I'm not even sure what to say about that.

But all was not lost.  There was a pretty intense short film of Serbia's first gay pride parade in 2001.  It looked like a nightmare.  There were neo-nazi groups screaming homophobic slurs (which was captioned) and a rather grotesque amount of violence. Unfortunately I can't find information about the film maker on ICA's website. There's plenty on the internet about the violence though. They did not have another gay pride parade in Serbia until 2010, which again erupted in riots and violence.

There was another installation of 9 screens which played Isaac Julien's Ten Thousand Waves. Which was so beautiful it was worth the trip. I look forward to looking into his work further.

All in all, as Michelle said, it was a great vehicle for getting us out on the town and having a beer together afterwards.  If someone even so much as lip-syncs the word "free" I get so excited I can barely notice what they're handing me is a pile of shit.

So don't forget the ICA is free on Thursday nights, Kids! And frankly, you want to see  "Dizzy Bitches on Clotheslines" as much as anyone else.

Documentary Film Review Part IV

Let's Talk About Sex- Not talking about sex HURTS children.  I said it.  It hurts them and the adults they will become.  It creates unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. It leads to unsafe behavior.

Here's some cold hard facts from our friends at the CDC.

Of note in 2009 39% of the reporting sexually active teenagers did not use a condom the last time they had sex. That was in 2009, kids.  Male latex condoms are the most effective way to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV.

In 2009 there were an estimated 48,100 new HIV infections. Holy crap.  Why are we not rioting in the streets right now about this? Oh that's right. A sweet, sweet mix of racism and homophobia.

Let's all just go to bed now. I've had a long day at work... Waitaminute. That doesn't sound at all like me!

What the hell can we do?! Get involved. Talk about it! I know you're probably on facebook right now...

We can also implement my plan: helicopters dropping condoms liberally all over the world.  I think we can do this pretty cheap, folks...

Abstinence only education doesn't work.  Not even kind of.  

2/3 of teen pregnancies are unintended. Half of teen mothers don't graduate high school.  I'd doubt that 46% of high school students will become serious cyclists, but we never question that we should teach them to ride a bike. With 46% of high school students reporting they have had sex how can we just stand by and not provide them proper safer sex education?

I can't.


The easiest way to dispel myths is to have the facts.  We can TALK to each other.  Educate yourself. Educate your friends. Educate the young people in your life.

If watching this documentary will help you get pissed off about it.  Then watch it.  Or take me out for a beer and I'll rant for an hour about it.  Whatever will mobilize you more.

Oh, and the movie is about Americans unhealthy views regarding talking about sex.  There's a lot of comparison with Europe.  Whatever, take me out for a beer.

I'll review some more films in my next blog post. Stay tuned.

Documentary Film Review Part III

So I took a long hiatus from the documentary film reviewing circuit.  The good news is, I'm back and more critical than ever!  I cancelled my Netflix for awhile.... I watched things less drab and depressing than your typical film-school-documentary-project, but in the end I always have the hunger for some selective coloring, perhaps a voice over while viewing old family photos, and shocking twists of statistics (lies...damn lies... and...).

Sorry, I didn't watch that film about the French tightrope walker. I will.

Without further ADO!

Paradise List: Child Murders At Robin Hood- I like me a good crime whodunit type flick.  I bet you do too.  Watch it.

The Weather Underground- While this isn't the most exciting film, I feel like it's important to be aware of this.  Watch it.  Or read a book about it.  Whatever really.

Capturing The Friedmans- One of my favorite documentaries.  Quirky.  Kiddy-touchers mixed with a little justice done wrong.  Also lots of voice over old photos. Watch it.  The extras are good too.

Deliver Us From Evil- I used to feel sort of sorry for Catholic people before I saw this film.  Now I don't really understand how anyone could stand behind such an institution.  Culture, heritage,community, habit, family all be damned.  If MY church/community/whatever sucked this bad I'd stand up and leave. Watch it.  Tell a Catholic friend about it.

Super High Me-  This movie was stupid.  Don't watch.

Snuff: A Documentary About Killing on Camera- I literally don't understand how someone can take a subject as interesting as snuff films and make a rather mundane movie with no new insight.  The supposed premise was discussing whether or not snuff films exist.  According to Snopes they don't.  According to ME, of course they do, you kidding me?  And here I usually trust Snopes.  Whatever.  Don't watch this piece of crap.


The Education of Shelby Knox- Honestly, I don't actually remember much about watching this one.  I remember the girl in it was sweet and plucky.  She was fighting for comprehensive sex education in her school (which had an abstinence only program).  On a related note though, I was recently thinking about how pro-safer sex education for children I am.  And then I had that horrible revelation, you know the one, that if I'm PRO safe sex that someone else is ANTI safe sex.  I then cried a river of tears.  I'm going to become one of those crazy street preachers wearing one of those big two sided signs, except mine will have depictions of how to put on a condom, and factual information regarding the sexual activities of teens. I shall bring it to the PEOPLE, praise Latex. I can't remember what I was initially talking about...

March if the Penguins- I cried.  I'm not just a tough, steely, cold exterior.  I have warm, mushy inside parts.  Watch it.

Confessions of a Superhero- Someone went to great lengths to make this film.  It was pretty.  I'm just not really sure it was about anything.  Don't watch.

My Date with Drew- You know when you're on day 3 of a documentary film bender?  Your filthy, your hair is sticking out every which way, for some reason you just watched The Bridge, again, and still can't get it out of your head? That's when you need to watch this one.  And only then.  It will lighten your mood and bring a slight smile to your face.

Meadowlark- This was a great one.  I tried researching the guy who made it, and it looks like this is all he's done. It's strong, sad and autobiographical.  So hopefully he didn't wear himself out and make his one good film.  You won't find a ton about it online, but it is free watching on Hulu.  Watch it.

Bigger, Stronger, Faster- Waaaahh.  Middle class heterosexual white boys have problems too.  Waaaaaaahhhhhh.  Although if you can get past the first 20 minutes of crap, it's not that bad.  In so far as he made his case for legalizing steroids, or at least for softening ones view.  Don't watch.  Or watch it.  Depends on your level of interest in the subject matter.

Sentencing the Victim- This gave me an amazing point of view.  I'm generally sympathetic to the incarcerated, I feel it does nothing for our humanity to treat them like animals, but this film really made me think. A legal justice system should try HARDER to shield the victims from further pain.  Watch it.

Heidi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam- Blah, blah boring.  Interviewing less-than-bright individuals is not going to result in a film about anything unless you dig something up.  I mean really dig.  Don't watch.

Prom Night in Mississippi- I kind of want all those things they say about Mississippi to not be true, but then I saw this moving picture show.  It's about a town in Mississippi that held it's first desegregated prom (after Morgan Freeman BEGGED THEM) in 2008.  That's right, I typed 2008.  Fuck.  So much for your Uncle Fred's idea that racism is totally gone and erased, I mean... we have a BLACK president, right?!?!  Except they didn't even succeed, not even with Morgan Freeman's help.  Sure, they had a desegregated Prom, after the white prom.  FUCK.  I felt a bit like they were going to make the ending up lifting and happy no matter what, damn it.  And it was. And the kids deserved it. Watch it. Do something about it.

There's plenty more where these came from.  And as always if you have any suggestions, I'll consider watching them!

Well then...

http://www.bobsagetisgod.com/

I can't really tell if that pile of word mush is ridiculously stupid or genius.  You decide.