Beulah is an anarchist.

I own two cats. 

Lovey: An orange ball of perfect who I have had for 14 years and I can never recall her EVER doing a bad thing, ever.

                             


And Beulah: Who is an anarchist.








I adopted Beulah as an innocent-looking grey puff from Pets In Need in December. Since this time she has tripled in size (there was no warning of this in the adoption papers.  Imagine if you bought a Smart car and it became a minivan.).  As she is an orphan I can only speculate as to who her parents were and how she ended up here.

It is my current working theory that they are democratic activists here on some sort of political asylum. When I see her looking out the window I hear her mumbling things like "If this is what they call "democracy" I want no part of this.  This is not freedom, as promised. These people are not free... they are part of the MACHINE."

Typical teenage rebellion.

She has this odd accent too.  I think she's from the Balkans.

One day I came home to this and found Beulah screaming at the top of her lungs about making "pamphlets" and "taking down the man". I have tried to explain that she can take down the man on her own time, but while under MY roof she follows MY rules.

She told me rules are for cowards and she would not "engage the oligarchy".

Honestly, if it was just that mumbo-jumbo that teens go on about where they use big words to sound smart talking about subjects they have no idea about, that would be one thing.  But it's really having an effect on the home life of Lovey and I.  Beulah told me she "doesn't believe in property" so she regularly rearranges the apartment and takes things that don't belong to her and hides them. She also has an insanely irregular sleep pattern (sleep pattern anarchy?). Sometimes she goes to bed at 2AM and wakes Lovey and I up at 5AM demanding breakfast.

One day I found her playing with a knife.  I told her that was ill advised and her eyes rolled so hard back into her head I thought they were going to get stuck and then she just loudly spat "WHATEVER" at me.

I just hope this is a passing phase. She was such a sweet baby.  I don't even want to talk about this odd hobby she has she calls "thunder hoofin'" where she runs through the apartment fast as she can trying to make as much noise as possible.  I tried to ask her why she does that, but to tell you the truth when she mentioned the word "despotism" I stopped listening.

I'm at my whits end with the electrical wire chewing.  She said the pain is worth the 30 second high...What do you even say to that?

Yesterday she told me she's thinking about "dabbling in the occult".  I don't honestly think she has any idea what she's talking about.  I think she just wants to justify sacrificing one of the birds outside the window.

I also need to warn any potential house guest that Beulah does not respect privacy while someone is in the bathroom.  She has explained to me that once she can have privacy whenever and wherever she wants I can have privacy in the bathroom.  And don't for one second think locking the door will stop her from enforcing this. She calls it part of her "active resistance".

***While this is all BASED on a true story of my life with Beulah, there is SOME minor exaggeration to get my point across.  She has never actually used the word "despotism" in a full sentence.***

I still don't regret adopting her. She's a great pet who has a home with me for life.

Please adopt!

There's 5 to 7 MILLION animals that enter shelters each year, and 3 to 4 million are euthanized (70% of the cats!)  If you already have a cat or dog don't forget to spay or neuter and be part of the solution.